This Insane Grimoire Offers the True Secrets of Magick... Sort Of

This book of “Ancient Magick Spells of the Occult” may be the most hilarious grimoire of all time

Imgur user obviousplant assembled this hilarious grimoire of fake magick spells and placed it in a metaphysical bookstore. It’s full of goofball recipes for achieving magical results.

A grimoire is traditionally a book of magical spells or recipes for contacting strange beings like angels or fairies; these books were wide-spread in the Middle Ages and were often hoarded by powerful people (like the Catholic Church) who didn’t want their secrets escaping to the public. Sorcerers would also turn to a spellbook to discover how to perform divination, create magical amulets and charms, read the stars and lots of other unexpected tricks. Did any of this work? It’s hard to say. However, “obviousplant” has clearly gone out of his way to create a working grimoire that at least has the power to make us laugh.

Here’s an example spell from the grimoire:

A Spell of Peaceful Calm

Cast this spell when you are feeling stressed.

You will need:

Some rocks
A cloudless night

Directions:

Go outside
YELL AT THE MOON
Shake your fists
YELL SOME MORE
Hurl rocks skyward
Shout “FUCK OFF SPACE EGG”
Repeat until dawn

Here’s another one:

A Spell of Supreme Power

Cast this spell to acquire power over large masses of people.

You will need:

Matches
A Candle
Complete, unwavering obedience from the entire world’s wolf population

Directions:

Use matches to light candle
Hold candle below neck so your face looks super spooky
Gather wolf army around you
Chant “BOW TO WOLF KING” as you and wolves enter nearest town
Repeat chant until mayor gives you key to the city

Check out the full book below for a few guaranteed laughs.

How Do I Do Real Magick, Though?

While this grimoire is strictly for laughs, real magick can be just as fun and easy as the images shown here. To find out how, check out our free guide to chaos magick for a REAL grimoire that will show you how to actually start practicing magick now.